When I was on SAS selection in 1993, something that hit me hard is the fact there’s no one patting you on the back, telling you what a legend you are for working hard and beating the course. It’s one of the most common reasons so many fall at the first hurdle. You’re looking around for someone to say, “Well done!” and it never comes, not even a nod of recognition after you’ve worked your ball sack to the bone to impress the Directing Staff. But let’s face it, when you’re on the battlefield and your mates’ brains are splattered over your face after you’ve charged through an enemy stronghold, no one’s there with a fucking pint and a whisky chaser telling you how awesome you just did. The fight goes on, and the only reward you need is the fact you’re still breathing, hopefully with a set of arms and legs, and balls. Thank fuck!  

The fact is that if anything outside of you is controlling the way you think and feel, then you’re a victim and 90% of the population play that role like a fucking bafta winner.

You can devictimize yourself (and others) by practising “tough love”, defined as the act of being firm, strict, or even punitive with someone, while also assuring them that it ultimately comes from a place of caring and wanting the best for them. Most women have it nailed!

The idea behind "tough love" is that sometimes being overly permissive, lenient or hands-off with someone is not what's best for them in the long run. Enforcing consequences and higher expectations, even if it results in negative reactions from the other person, can communicate that you still care and are doing it to motivate their growth and development. 

Basically, it’s the only way you can get shit done, and it’s the way I operate, not only towards those around me, but to the most important project there is- ME!

Just this morning when I heard my inner weakness scream for some compassion before my workout, I verbally sounded those words “Shut the fuck up!” and then thought, “I wonder how many other people address their inner wimp the same way?” 

Tough love is being real and avoiding the sugar coating. There is a balance of course, but you’re never going to get what you want or offer the best advice to anyone by saying things to please them. Some people can’t handle the truth, but that’s not your problem -lack of authenticity is!

So next time your Mrs asks you if she’s getting fat, be tactical but get to the truth before she starts ballooning.