Eating in a pitch-black restaurant sounded like the kind of experience and challenge I could throw myself into.
And I did literally, because no sooner had I been led through some blackout curtains, I inexplicably walked straight into a wall, banging my forehead with an almighty thud.
My dear old buddy Andrew, a hapless last-minute replacement for my sick partner Jilly, faired no better! He was supposed to have his hand on my shoulder - much like the soldiers in the First World War who have been blinded by mustard gas but when he heard the thwack he let go and got tangled up in the curtain behind me.
My lovely guide Fabio, who was completely blind, must have thought he had a right pair in tow and offered encouragement to Andrew to put his hand back on my shoulder and soldier on- but to no avail.
‘This is not for me, this is not for me’, he spluttered in the dark, extricating himself from the curtain and high-tailing it back to the light and normality.
In retrospect, I think he must have got a bit stressed before we entered the house of darkness because I had already confiscated a mini torch he had sneaked into his pocket. In addition, before we went upstairs to dine we also had to surrender mobile phones, wallets and watches which were put into a secure locker. I reckon , poor Andrew felt a bit lost even before it was time; to go over the top.
Anyway by this stage Fabio sensed I wasn’t feeling too comfortable and led me by my hand to a table which I soon discovered was next to a wall.
I’m not clumsy by nature, but I managed to knock over an empty glass immediately as he explained patiently that my knife and fork were in a napkin by my left hand and there was a bottle of water in front of me.
Downstairs I had already chosen the three-course surprise menu accompanied by wine for £74, although I could have had a two-course set menu for £56 with a glass of wine or the super duper five-course chef’s menu at £100. ( If you think that is a bit on the pricey side, bear in mind that they need more staff than in a normal restaurant and it includes a £15 visitor fee)
Normally, I do like to see what I’m eating and how it is served up so it was somewhat surreal to be brought my first course that I could only smell or touch. I bent forward so as not to spill anything on my suit and reckoned it was a fish cocktail or something. It was delicious and I found out later it was swordfish with radish, cauliflower pancetta, and tomatoes accompanied by a nice glass of Spanish white wine.
Fabio kept popping back to make sure I was okay but, I was having a ball listening to the conversations going on around me. One lady, not realising I was sitting close by. whispered to her partner ‘Isn’t this romantic’, as he reached out in the dark to find her hand, only to grab mine by mistake! We started up a conversation immediately as you do and it turned out he was all the way from South Africa.
There was a buzz going on all around me and I’m ashamed to say I couldn’t stop myself shouting out ‘Waiter there’s a fly in my soup’, much to Fabio’s chagrin although when the penny dropped he thought it was funny. ‘You had me going then for a minute’, he said.
My main course consisted of chicken and vegetables which I was informed later was of the cornfed variety, accompanied by asparagus, mushrooms, and truffle butter washed down with a glass of Bobal Spanish red. Delish.
The sweet, which I thought wrongly was a strawberry crème brulee, in fact was a mouth watering avocado mille-feuille with vegan vanilla crème, plus layers of strawberry and dark chocolate.
To set this off I ordered a wonderful dessert wine called Tokajy which came from Hungary and was recommended by Iliyan the floor manager downstairs who double-checked if we had any allergies before embarking on this unique gastronomic experience.
Returning to the bar downstairs my hungry friend was still nursing a bottle of fizzy water and a giant slice of humble pie. On hearing what I had been served he admitted the sudden change from light to complete darkness had completely thrown him and he panicked. Well, if you snooze you lose!
WHERE: DANS LE NOIR
69-73 ST John Street, Clerkenwell, London, EC1M 4NY
Closed Mondays.
Open for lunch and dinner. Pre-booking advised.
LOADED VERDICT: One of the most original restaurants in the world. You’ve got to try this innovative experience, it is a real sensory journey.