BY NOEL YAXLEY
The pub. I’m sure it conjures up imagery of empty, quiet rooms, punctured by the sound of a ticking clock or a fruit machine, staffed by a sassy but clearly underpaid barmaid wiping a table so frequently that her face is visible in it.
Wrong. Pubs are much more than this. I’ll explain, applying my enhanced level of inebriated intellect. So get a drink, whatever your poison is, and, like Norm from Cheers, lounge on a barstool while I tell you a story. This is a paean to pubs.
Nostalgia, like alcohol, is an addictive pleasure that should be enjoyed in moderation, but it is definitely enjoyable. Going to the pub for your first pint is an important teenage rite of passage. As soon as I went inside, I knew I had arrived in another universe. It is a place where people of all classes and backgrounds can unwind from the stresses of everyday life. As an awkward and insecure kid, I swiftly learnt to adjust to the unwritten rules that govern this adult environment—spending time in my local boozer quickly boosted my confidence and maturity. The beautiful thing about pubs is that they allow you to share more than just a pint and a packet of crisps. Some of the most memorable experiences of my life, from my first kiss to my final goodbye to loved ones, were formed in one of England’s many beer-soaked bars.
One of the best things about pubs is that they provide something for everyone. You can enjoy a crossword puzzle and quiet pint at a rustic country inn, or two for one shots and throwing shapes on a sticky dance floor in a raucous city centre bar. Choice is a wonderful thing.
Chat
The pub is primarily a space of freedom of speech and association. For generations, beer rooms have been a forum for debate and discussion. They have served as a meeting point for many working-class and political groups—trade union meetings and activists pre-and post-protest would not have been as effective without the pub as a place to develop ideas. Meanwhile businessmen regularly conduct deals over a liquid lunch. When it comes to Westminster, the boroughs’ numerous pubs will be packed with lawmakers and journalists. Hang out at the Red Lion and you might just run into a politician—lucky you.
I’ve previously written about isolation and loneliness here. Alcohol lowers inhibitions—allowing us to open up and get closer to others. Many good conversations—and countless idiotic ones—have been spurred by a few beers. Whether chatting with strangers or defending your opinion on humous, they are essential for socialisation. They contribute to the formation and maintenance of critical relations required for a high-trust society. Pubs foster Intergenerational discourse, giving you the opportunity to engage with someone you wouldn’t normally connect with—I’ve had countless interactions with pensioners who regaled me with old stories.
Music
This freedom allowed creativity to flourish in pubs. Many hold open mic nights and live music. The pub circuit gave birth to many of Britain’s greatest comedians and musicians. While there is a different argument to be made about tribute bands monopolising your local Friday night line-up, pubs have produced some of the country’s most successful acts. Both The Cure and the Arctic Monkeys played their first gigs in a tiny back room of a public house. Blondie even performed her first UK date at the Dingwalls in Camden. A combination of booze and freedom can make the pub an intimidating place. The first stage for emerging stars is to enter the lion’s den and face public criticism. A performer's reputation is in the hands of a rowdy crowd fired up on lager. One well-timed heckle might end your career before it even begins. It is a frightening environment that takes nerve and confidence to succeed. It is no wonder that many of the country’s best comedians rose to prominence by performing in bars and pubs around Britain.
Games
Name somewhere you can find a pool table these days? Difficult isn’t it? Although many have been removed to make more room for tables, my eyes still light up when I see a couple of people leaning over the baize. If I were to rate a pub I would always mention whether it had a dartboard. Darts has always had the (underserved in my opinion) label of being an old man’s game. Not anymore.
Now that a fresh-faced extremely talented teenager has won the world championship, there is renewed interest in the sport. Just think, that fella standing a few feet away from you at the oche about to smash his third consecutive dart into the foundations could be the next Luke Littler. It’s unlikely, yet this is where champions are born.
Food
If you’re hungry, visit your local. It’s not just pork scratchings and dry roasted peanuts affixed to a cardboard cutout of a half-naked girl. You’ll probably find that your local offers cultural delights similar to those found in Moroccan markets. While I am not opposed to some culinary diversity, I despise the idea of serving food on shovels or, as in one place I will not mention, a novelty-sized skateboard. If that’s your thing, go to Camden—there’s definitely a market for hipsters. Personally, I prefer Wetherspoons, where I can enjoy a burger while watching the game on the big screen. There's that beautiful word choice again.
Support the Industry
The pub industry is currently experiencing decline. Over the last decade more than 7,000 pubs have closed. There are presently fewer than 40,000 remaining in England and Wales. Many of the justifications are familiar: taxes, above-inflation price increases for beer and alcohol duty, as well as a reduction in business rates relief, have left landlords with no alternative but to pass those costs on to consumers. The average cost of a pint will leave you with little change from a fiver. As a result more people are buying a six pack and drinking at home with a few mates.
Sure I do it myself—a freelancer’s rate does not cover a six-hour drinking session—but I always try to organise a night out every now and then. Shave a few quid off your monthly StarBucks bill and invest in a night at the local. The rate of return is a net gain. Hand on heart, when was the last time you had a coffee with a friend and the banter made your stomach hurt? In general, people do not dance on tables, hug strangers or celebrate their team’s victory after drinking a cappuccino.
Whether you are a budding pop star or the average man in the street, the pub is a place where memories are created. I know where I go when I want a bit of fun. And it's not Costa.
