Small dick energy is fucking everywhere right now. From Musk and Zuckerberg bitch-squabbling each other online into a laughable cage fight last year (only for it to never materialise) to Will Smith's face-slapping Oscar smackdown of Chris Rock over a joke, to Andrew Tate's entire career, it's clear to see that small dick energy is now threatening to ruin the world. Or worse, run it. Thankfully, Loaded's got its eye on it, so you can look away.
Return to Energiser
In 2020 Big Dick Energy grew, and grew, into a cultural phenomenon when U.S. comic Pete Davison became famous for possessing it following his public break-up with Ariana Grande. Small Dick Energy, or SDE if you're pushed for time, followed suit and hit the big time in 2022 when enviro-mentalist Greta Thunberg and "World champion kickboxer and Billionaire" Andrew Tate got into a tweet-spat about how many supercars Tate owned. He invited Thunberg to supply her email address so he could "Send a complete list of my car collection and their respective enormous emissions". Thunberg replied simply: "Email me at [email protected]" While that perfect riposte went viral, it was largely attacked on social media by men (and women too) who missed the memo on what SDE actually was and presumed Thunberg to be simply body-shaming men for their tiny tackle.. Ever since Thunberg's tweet, small dick energy has barely made a pinprick in popular culture, barely trending, barely used, despite hiding in plain sight.
Most Iconic SDE Moments
To make sure small dick energy spreaders don't get away with it, Loaded will be taking down high-profile obnoxious pricks by hanging up their photograph on our SDE Hall of Fame. Here's our first five from 2024, so far:
1) Kanye West
West's downfall in 2023 was a spectacle to watch. But January '24 news of his $675,000 titanium teeth forcing him to be unable to eat and posting uncensored photos of his wife, Bianca Censori, on Instagram, makes you reduce his big dick energy to something more manageable.
2) Donald Trump
Trump's whiny bullshit outburst during his January $250 million civil fraud trial, in New York, of which he has already been found guilty, caused the judge to ask Trump's attorney to "control his client". Ultimately, Trump stormed out in a huff, his petty small dick energy once again erect for all the world's media to see.
3) Welsh DJ, Leigh Brookfield,
who filmed himself urinating on a cancer patient while partying in Llanelli, and then posting a video of the act online has been sentenced to 14 weeks in jail. "It's just something me and the boys do when we are drunk," Brookfield said in defence. Put it away, Leigh.
4) Kurt Zouma
West Ham's defender, Zouma, who was found guilty of animal cruelty for chasing and brutally kicking his own cat in May 2023, much to his own amusement. He was fined £250,000. Today, he's full of remorse and staging a public image rebirth, but once you kick a cat, you can't go back.
5) Ghislaine Maxwell
Even women can have small dick energy -- and ol' Gizzy has it in spades. Earlier this week, Maxwell, who is serving 20 years for her sex trafficking of minors in the Jeffrey Epstein scandal, has made the news for complaining in prison -- more than 400 times -- for the lack of allogeneic pillows and hair dye. In prison.
