The world has got a lot worse since 1994 judging by the behaviour of these scandalous scallywags. Welcome to our gallery of 21st century Platinum Rogues…
- Felicity Huffman
In 2019, American actress paid a proctor $15,000 to guarantee her daughter passed her SAT exam, a college admissions bribery scandal known as Operation Varsity Blues. Huffman pleaded guilty to charges of conspiracy to commit mail fraud and served 14 days in prison. Talk about your desperate housewife, alright.
- Armie Hammer
If you believe what you read online – and the rumours aren’t going away – the handsome Hammer Man has allegedly got himself into buckets of hot water with his wife (and other ladies) with allegations of all sorts of shady 50 Shades shit, including non-consensual BDSM… and cannibalism. Allegedly.
- Rebekah Vardy
Vardy’s role in the 2019-2023 “Wagatha Christie” scandal still has tongues wagging. Vardy leaked personal stories about Coleen Rooney, footballer Wayne’s wife, from Rooney’s personal Instagram to the Sun newspaper. However Rooney knew this, faked the stories, set up a sting and then took Vardy her to court. And won.
- Kurt Zouma
In February 2022, West Ham’s Zouma was sentenced to 180 hours community service and a fine of £8,887 (a day’s work, really) for playing keepy-up with his pet cat…while being filmed. “Obviously I have done something very bad and obviously I feel very, very sorry," he said afterwards, obviously.
- Billy McFarland
The Failed Fyre Festival founder was convicted of multiple counts of fraud in 2018 when he conned investors and ticket buyers about his Bahamian event's luxury accommodation, amenities and artists. Instead, it was a literal shitshow.
- Bernie Madoff
For decades, U.S. financier Madoff’s scandalous Ponzi Scheme ripped off thousands of investors out of £65 billion, the largest financial fraud in history. In 2009, he was sentenced to 150 years in prison but died in 2021. See ya in Hell, Bernie!
- Nick Kyrgios
The bad boy of tennis, Kyrgios is now more famous for his repeated off-court drama than his playing. In 2022, he was fined $35,000 by the ATP for verbal abuse, audible obscenities and unsportsmanlike conduct at the Miami Open, and famously going ape-shit at actor Ben Stiller in the crowd. In 2023, he also admitted to assaulting an ex-girlfriend. Love all? Nope.
- Sam Bankman-Fried
The Bermuda-short loving CEO of cryptocurrency exchange FTX, known as the ‘Crypto King’, Bankman-Fried was sentenced to 25 years in prison in March this year for defrauding customers out of $8 billion. “Everyone was talking about him like he's walking on water and has a zillion dollars,” Elon Musk said of Bankman-Fried. “And that was not my impression”.
- Kanye West
Since 2022, Ye’s golden crown has slipped far from his once God-like bonce after making way too many – like a lot – of antisemitic statements, including praising Adolf Hitler and denying the Holocaust. Both no-no’s. His wicked words have ensured he lost his big-money creative collaborations with Adidas, Gap, and Balenciaga. His albums are unlistenable now too, mercifully.
- Jeffery Epstein
Rogue in excelsior, U.S. billionaire Epstein was found guilty of multiple counts of sex trafficking underage girls in 2019 with the help of his equally evil missus Ghislaine Maxwell, including trips to his now-notorious “Paedo Island” in the Virgin Islands. He’s dead now, thank fuck, but the scandal lives on. Speaking of which…
- Prince Andrew
“The Grand Ol; Duke of York, he had 10,000…” Let’s stop there before the lawyers come a-knockin’. Poor “Randy Andy” has had a terrible few years fighting the media over his connection with Jeffrey Epstein and the Pizza Express in Woking. His 2019 appearance on Newsnight was an omnishambles that led him to be stripped of all his royal titles.
- Donald Trump
I mean, where do we begin with this wotsit? The fraud? The pornstar hush money? The 2020 Election subversion? The classified Mar-a-Lago documents? The sexual assault(s)? The guy’s a clown and an inverse Midas – everything he touches turns to orange shit.
- Britney Spears
The former blonde bombshell has had a rough ride for the past decade or so – the conservatorship, her mental breakdown, her marriages, her nude Insta posts, etc. She went off-script a while ago, but we’re still worried about her. Britney – are you OK, love? Three blinks for yes.
- Elizabeth Holmes
Theranos, the company behind cutting-edge “blood-testing technology”, was in fact a bunch of bullshit. The founder and former CEO, Holmes – a “bio-tech entrepreneur” and named by Forbes in 2014 as “the world's youngest self-made woman billionaire” – was found guilty of defrauding investors and patients with patently false claims. Don’t worry, she’s in jail.
- JK Rowling
The Harry Potter author’s fall from her pedestal has come as a shock. She’s gone rogue and got herself cancelled. Her opinions on trans rights have had her trade ugly blows with the woke LGBTQIA+ community in recent years with Rowling aggressively defending biological woman’s rights first. Opiniono Cancelosa!
- Prince Harry
The second Royal Rogue on our list, who’d have thunk it. Hazza and Meghan went rogue in 2020 and left the traditional duties of the British Monarchy behind to live a life of Riley in Los Angeles. The departure was dubbed by the media hilariously as ‘Megxit’. Harry’s return to the Firm is all but assured when Americans realise he’s just a normal nepobaby. Right?
- Will Smith
Big Willie went silly in 2022 when – in front of a live TV audience of 20 million people and a room full of his world-famous peers – smacked Oscars’ host Chris Rock around the chops after Rock insulted Will’s wife. His punishment? The Academy Award for Best Actor. What a palava.
- Graham Linehan
The creator of Loaded’s favourite TV show Father Ted has spent the last few years rubbishing his regal writing reputation after speaking his mind a little too often on transgender issues. The backlash hasn’t been pretty and now, unfortunately, one of Britain’s greatest comedy writers can’t get a job. Feck. And arse.
- Miley Cyrus
You may have seen her naked and pissing in public more times than you’ve had hot dinners, but Miley Cyrus is still America’s sweetheart. The former Disney princess turned wild child went off the rails during the 2010s and is only just about back on terra firma.
- Amber Heard
As if shitting on Johnny Depp’s pillow wasn’t bad enough – a truth revealed during her very, very public divorce and subsequent domestic abuse trial in 2022 – Amber Heard had the gall to star in the Aquaman movies, the floating turds of the DC Universe. Depp won in the court of public opinion and Heard’s career is, well, flushed down the toilet.
- Martin Shkreli
Pharmaceutical con-man Shkreli, known for price gouging life-saving medications – he obtained the manufacturing license for the antiparasitic drug Daraprim and raised its price by 5,455 per cent! – went to prison in 2017 for seven years.
- Rudy Giuliani
New York’s once esteemed 9/11 mayor is now one of the U.S’s biggest punchlines. His dick-ish behaviour began when he allied with Trump over the 2020 election subversion – remember the black hair dye incident at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping? The “tucking in his shirt” scene in Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (when he no way whatsoever wanted to get a blowjob) sealed the deal.
