Busy lives, the juggle of family life and a long dose of the January Blues are all valid reasons why relationships might have taken a backstep recently, so with Valentine’s Day just around the corner it can be a great prompt for couples to give romance a reboot.
According to Certified Professional Coach and relationship expert Karen Heras-Kelly, building intimacy through small, everyday interactions is a great place to start. It’s a way to boost sexual chemistry and help couples feel more connected because it boosts happy hormones like dopamine and that’s good for everybody.
To help couples get their love lives back on track, Karen offers her top four tips:
1. Create intimacy beyond the bedroom
Contrary to what many might believe, intimacy starts outside the bedroom and is a build-up of smaller moments and gestures. Women are naturally pulled towards relationships that create deeper intimacy, they seek connection and are looking for ways to be seen, heard and held by their partners. They are both instinctual and feelings based by nature, so they will be reading the signs, tuning into body language and looking for cues that you desire them for more than sexual pleasure. That’s why it’s important to prepare way beyond the undressing stage.
From holding hands to looking into your partner's eyes, listening intently to his or her needs and making a clear signal that you desire a connection by sharing an artisan aphrodisiac chocolate can make a huge difference to how someone feels. When we feel good, we release more sex hormones - androgens, oestrogens, and progestogens making everything feel lighter, calmer and helping us feel like we’re in a happier place.
2. Connect all the Senses
Women's bodies are more programmed towards sensuality and play, so they require more tenderness and nurture. They love to connect to all their senses, so think about ways to engage with touch, taste and smell, alongside sight and sound, as this will deepen her experience. A hot bath, a soothing foot rub, a home cooked meal will all help her relax. Whilst, chocolates to share, such as Playmate’s Aphrodisiac Chocolates, will help couples connect by introducing natural aphrodisiacs into their foreplay. Taking these moments to close our eyes, breath and feel open to connection means our brain waves change and become more wave-like/rhythmic/gentle, soothes our heart and makes intimacy easier.
3. If Music be the food of Love
You can create a playlist of favourite tracks, which can be a nice soft build up to foreplay, helping to release dopamine: Listening to music releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter that's also released when people fall in love or have sex. Music uses the same reward pathways in the brain as food, drugs, and sexual pleasure.
4. Communication is key
Speak openly about your own needs and desires and create boundaries, starting the conversation about how you've disconnected is the first step to getting back on track. Be clear on what you both like and dislike in terms of daily intimacy, foreplay and sexual desires - whilst running your partner a bath or buying a box of Playmates won’t immediately fix sexual disconnection - it can be a great conversation starter and a good place to start. Keep checking in with each other on a regular basis. I normally recommend once a week if any changes are required.