So you’ve decided to take the plunge into the murky cesspool that is online dating? Your first job is to choose your platform. Looking for a quick shag with a local girl? Then Tinder is the app for you. Want to connect on a more meaningful level with someone who has similar interests? Try Hinge. Bumble is good for those wanting the girl to make the first move (although it is actually now possible for the guy to message first thanks to a recent update). For those looking for something a little spicier, I suggest Feeld - kink-friendly or for group dynamics.
Next step - write a good profile! This might sound obvious but sooo many people don’t take time to do this properly, resulting in very few matches, or too many of the wrong type of matches. You may be surprised (or maybe not) to learn that there are still countless men using outdated, misogynistic language and pictures of them holding a fish they caught ten years ago (not generally a good look)! Your words matter, guys. And believe me, a lot of women will read them and judge you accordingly.
The cardinal sins of online dating profiles
- Using a picture of you holding a fish, smoking, swearing at the camera or with your (or someone else’s) kids - all wrong for a multitude of reasons.
- No pictures at all - seriously, who do you think is going to swipe right on a blank page or a mysterious scenic photo or quote?!
- Shirtless mirror selfies, or only ‘gym bro’ pics - if you’re got a good body, one can be forgiven but if all your pics are in the vain, you’re not going to attract quality matches.
- Writing “I’ll fill this in later” “Just ask” or “I’m an open book” in the About Me section. It comes across as arrogant or just plain lazy.
- A list of demands. You’re hardly Ryan Reynolds yourself I’m betting, so be realistic. Tell us about you - what makes you tick, not a list of dos and don’ts that will send any self-respecting woman running for the hills.
Women are not as hard to understand as you might think. Generally, a man who can take 5 minutes to write about themselves and has a few decent pictures has a good shot; tell us what you enjoy doing in your spare time, what is important to you and maybe an interesting fact or two. It doesn’t have to be War and Peace but we want to see effort, and good spelling and grammar is essential here. If this isn’t your strong point, run it through a spellchecker. Picture-wise, you need a selection: one or two close ups of your face - we need to see your eyes and teeth (if you have sunglasses on or your mouth closed in every pic we will assume you have something to hide); Maybe a picture with friends (to show you’re not a loner), one showing you doing something you enjoy such as a sport or other hobby; if you have a cute pet that’s always a safe bet! And lads, We do not want or need to see your chest, even if it is impressive - it just comes across as tacky. Save that for later on ;)
Now you’re good to go. Time to get swiping! Now here it obviously depends on what you’re looking for; everyone has their own personal preferences on what they find attractive. Is it as simple as a beautiful smile or good figure, or do you look for that cheeky glint in the eye or a pair of kissable lips? For some it will be much less about the pictures and more about what is written in the profile, whilst others won’t read a single word and will swipe purely based on initial attraction. But this, unfortunately, is where a lot of people go wrong. Nowadays, there are so many filters and ways to manipulate images, it’s tricky to know if what you’re looking at is real… or not. Add catfish into the mix and all of a sudden this already murky world seems positively primordial. Now I, like most people, believe that I have a fair amount of common sense, enough at least to not be mugged off in this way, but it happens to the best of us. My advice would be to take a screenshot of their profile picture and run it through Google lens.
So hopefully after you have spent time curating your photos and writing a punchy, witty and intriguing profile, you will have got a few matches. Now, the initial message is important, and often sent with little to no thought. Girls are looking for someone who gets them - we don’t want to think that you will bang anything with a pulse (even if that is the case). So read their profile, and find something to comment on or even better, compliment them on. Try not to make it purely physical - even if she does have a cracking rack, maybe don’t mention it in the first message!
After you’ve sent out the first message, a date isn’t guaranteed. You need to chat back and forth to see if this is someone worth pursuing, but don’t let this initial chatting stage go on for too long, or you will find yourself with a pen pal instead of a girlfriend. Take the reins and ask her out! Something chilled and low-key is a safe bet for a first date. And guys, one last thing… always offer to pay. Going dutch may be the modern way for many, but at least offering to foot the bill will show that you are a gentleman and show your date that you have manners.
