Southgate’s Squad
As the curtain rises on the European Championships, Loaded gives the lowdown on the squad Southgate sent out to sea. Is Henderson a keeper? Can Gomez keep going? And will Kane live up to our hopes of first time glory.
The Loaded ratings say “Yes sir, we’re gonna give it a decent shot!”
Goalkeepers:
Dean Henderson (Crystal Palace)
Solid between the sticks, but he’s still auditioning for the lead role. Crystal Palace isn’t exactly Real Madrid, is it?
Score: 7
Jordan Pickford (Everton)
A bit of a Jekyll and Hyde. One moment he’s a hero, the next, a headline for all the wrong reasons.
Score: 8
Aaron Ramsdale (Arsenal)
The Gunners’ golden boy, who’s been catching more than just the ball – our hearts and our hopes.
Score: 8.5
Defenders:
Lewis Dunk (Brighton & Hove Albion)
A steadfast soldier for Brighton. Reliable, yes, but does he have the firepower for Europe? We shall see.
Score: 7
Joe Gomez (Liverpool)
Ah, Joe. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Injuries have him on a tighter leash than his opponents.
Score: 6.5
Marc Guehi (Crystal Palace)
Young and eager, like a puppy in a room full of chew toys. Let’s hope he doesn’t chew through our chances.
Score: 7.5
Ezri Konsa (Aston Villa)
Versatile, yes. Household name? Not quite. Still, he might surprise us – or not.
Score: 7
Luke Shaw (Manchester United)
Shaw-shank redemption in football form. The lad’s got a cannon for a left foot and the scars to prove his resilience.
Score: 8.5
John Stones (Manchester City)
Polished like a diamond, but let’s hope he doesn’t crumble under pressure. The backbone of City's defence.
Score: 9
Kieran Trippier (Newcastle United)
Set-piece king, but can he rule the pitch?
Score: 8
Kyle Walker (Manchester City)
The speed demon. Age might be catching up, but he’s still faster than your working from home Wi-Fi.
Score: 8.5
Midfielders:
Trent Alexander-Arnold (Liverpool)
Not just a defender, but a midfield maestro. If only Liverpool could clone him.
Score: 8.5
Jude Bellingham (Real Madrid)
The prodigy. Moved to Real Madrid and didn’t turn into a pumpkin. Truly, a modern miracle.
Score: 9.5
Conor Gallagher (Chelsea)
The Energizer Bunny of Chelsea. Runs around a lot, but can he keep the lights on in England’s midfield?
Score: 7.5
Kobbie Mainoo (Manchester United)
Fresh off the assembly line, full of potential. Let’s hope he doesn’t need a factory reset.
Score: 6.5
Declan Rice (Arsenal)
Declan "the Enforcer" Rice. Strong, composed, and doesn’t spill. If only he could stop talking about it.
Score: 9
Adam Wharton (Crystal Palace)
Another Palace gem. Or is it just fool’s gold? Time will tell.
Score: 6.5
Forwards:
Jarrod Bowen (West Ham United)
Quick and lethal, like a piranha. But can he swim in the big pond?
Score: 7.5
Eberechi Eze (Crystal Palace)
Smooth operator, can dance past defenders like he’s on Strictly.
Score: 8
Phil Foden (Manchester City)
City’s Picasso. Paints masterpieces on the pitch. Sometimes, a bit too abstract.
Score: 9
Anthony Gordon (Newcastle United)
Fast and furious, but not quite Vin Diesel. Needs to up his game if he wants to be a blockbuster hit.
Score: 7
Harry Kane (Bayern Munich)
The alpha, the omega. The one-man army. If goals were gold, he’d be Midas.
Score: 10
Cole Palmer (Chelsea)
Young, fresh, and full of flair. The footballing equivalent of a new iPhone – everyone’s excited, but will it live up to the hype?
Score: 7
Bukayo Saka (Arsenal)
Arsenal’s wonder boy. He’s got the skills and the smile, let’s hope he brings the magic.
Score: 9.5
Ivan Toney (Brentford)
Big, strong, and not afraid to mix it up. Perfect for those gritty, scrappy encounters.
Score: 8.5
Ollie Watkins (Aston Villa)
Hard-working, sharp, and ready to pounce. The fox in the box we need.
Score: 7.5
Loaded verdict: A squad brimming with potential, ready to tackle Europe head-on. Will they bring it home? Only time, and a few thousand pints, will tell. Keep your fingers crossed and your pints full. Cheers!
