Presenting the world cup of wankers, the guys who absolutely didn’t do it right in 2024. When you feel like you’re doing nothing right, check out this tick list to being the ultimate prick, and just make sure you cross it all off.
The Players:
Armie Hammer:
The actor continued to face public scrutiny due to past allegations of sexual misconduct and cannibalistic fantasies. Despite the Los Angeles District Attorney's decision not to pursue charges, Hammer's attempts to revive his career have been largely unsuccessful.
Sean "Diddy" Combs:
The music mogul faced serious allegations of hosting parties involving illegal activities, including drug use and sexual assault. These claims brought significant attention to the treatment of women in the entertainment industry.
Melvyn Jaminet:
The French rugby fullback received a 34-week suspension for posting a racist comment on social media, highlighting ongoing issues of discrimination within sports.
Philip Davies:
A senior Conservative Member of Parliament in the United Kingdom, Davies was investigated for allegedly placing an £8,000 bet against his own re-election. This scandal raised questions about the integrity of public officials and the ethical implications of such actions.
Doug Emhoff:
The Second Gentleman of the United States was embroiled in controversies involving past extramarital affairs. These revelations led to public scrutiny and debates about the personal lives of political figures and their impact on public perception.
Senator Bob Menendez:
The Democratic Senator from New Jersey was convicted of accepting bribes, including cash and gold bars, totalling hundreds of thousands of dollars. These bribes were linked to foreign governments and wealthy associates, aiming to influence his political actions. The trial revealed that Menendez used his position to benefit countries like Egypt and Qatar in exchange for personal gain. Evidence presented included gold bars and substantial cash found in his home by the FBI. Following the verdict, there have been intensified calls for his resignation, and he now faces a potentially lengthy prison sentence.
The Semi-Final
Armie Hammer vs Sean “Diddy” Combs
Eating people ain’t a great idea, but the Diddy juice is still flowing thick and fast, with worms coming out of every orifice. Combs can’t be beaten.
Winner: Sean “Diddy” Combs
Philip Davies vs Senator Bob Menendez
Bob bagged the loot here, but Philip’s sad attempts at scraping past the post were a low blow. We all love to hate a British bribe, so Philip takes it.
Winner: Philip Davies
The Final
Sean “Diddy” Combs vs Philip Davies
Winner: Sean “Diddy” Combs
Come on, a little self-help bet can’t possibly compete with the widespread atrocities imposed on so many by Combs. He’s downright filth and needs to stay behind bars. Diddy, you’re dirty!
