Day 2: Dad Jokes
There an IG acc @dadsaysjokes that does some brilliant ones! I'd love a DPS packed with original dad jokes we've not just stolen. Could also include 'wife humour.' @thechadlife_ does a fab job of this one!
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I went to see the chiropractor, it was about a week back.
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Apparently they’ve started charging people to walk up Ben Nevis,
I think it’s a little steep.
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What’s white and yellow and goes a hundred miles an hour?
A train driver’s cheese sandwich.
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Which potato is a pacifist?
A sweet potato.
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What sport do angry French people play?
La cross!
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What do you call a healthy lad?
Sa-lad
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I told my wife her underwear is far too revealing, she replied: wear your own then.
@dadsaysjokes
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Justice is best served cold.
If it was warm, it would be justwater.
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Why wasn’t the pregnant woman hungry?
She gestate.
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Wolfgang, Mozart
What? Said Mozart
And they were eaten by a gang of wolves.
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My wife kept insisting we chip the cat
I only had a nine iron but I still got it over the fence
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My wife just completed a nine month body building programme.
It’s a boy!
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I told a joke on zoom and nobody laughed.
Guess I’m not remotely funny.
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Some girl just asked me what mansplaining means…
What do I say.
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Did you know your pupils are the last body part to stop working after death? They dilate.
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The whiteboard is a remarkable invention.
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Murphy’s Law is the idea that anything which can go wrong will go wrong.
And Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage
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Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watchdogs.
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6:30 is the best time of day, hands down.
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Have you seen the new origami porn channel?
It’s paper view.
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If Jesus was real it wouldn’t be called a crucifixion.
It’d be a crucifact.
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Why are police always at protests early?
They like to beat the crowd.
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After my vasectomy they said I wouldn’t have children any more.
But when I got home, there they were.
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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
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I was so unpopular in school they used to call me batteries.
Because I was never included in anything.
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I had a shit last night between 11:59pm and 12:04am — same shit, different day.
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I got a job making toy vampires but there were only two of us on the production line.
I had to make every second count.
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We recently learned than granddad has a viagra addiction.
Nobody is taking it harder than grandma.