by Adrianne Medallon

Dad Jokes

Get ready to laugh with original dad jokes and witty one-liners tha...
Dad Jokes

Day 2: Dad Jokes

There an IG acc @dadsaysjokes that does some brilliant ones! I'd love a DPS packed with original dad jokes we've not just stolen. Could also include 'wife humour.' @thechadlife_ does a fab job of this one! 

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I went to see the chiropractor, it was about a week back. 

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Apparently they’ve started charging people to walk up Ben Nevis,
I think it’s a little steep. 

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What’s white and yellow and goes a hundred miles an hour?
A train driver’s cheese sandwich. 

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Which potato is a pacifist? 

A sweet potato. 

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What sport do angry French people play? 

La cross!  

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What do you call a healthy lad?

Sa-lad 

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I told my wife her underwear is far too revealing, she replied: wear your own then. 

@dadsaysjokes 

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Justice is best served cold.
If it was warm, it would be justwater. 

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Why wasn’t the pregnant woman hungry?
She gestate. 

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Wolfgang, Mozart

What? Said Mozart

And they were eaten by a gang of wolves. 

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My wife kept insisting we chip the cat

I only had a nine iron but I still got it over the fence

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My wife just completed a nine month body building programme. 

It’s a boy! 

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I told a joke on zoom and nobody laughed. 

Guess I’m not remotely funny. 

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Some girl just asked me what mansplaining means…

What do I say. 

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Did you know your pupils are the last body part to stop working after death? They dilate. 

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The whiteboard is a remarkable invention. 

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Murphy’s Law is the idea that anything which can go wrong will go wrong.

And Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage

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Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watchdogs.

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6:30 is the best time of day, hands down. 

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Have you seen the new origami porn channel?

It’s paper view.

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If Jesus was real it wouldn’t be called a crucifixion. 

It’d be a crucifact. 

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Why are police always at protests early? 

They like to beat the crowd. 

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After my vasectomy they said I wouldn’t have children any more. 

But when I got home, there they were. 

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised. 

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I was so unpopular in school they used to call me batteries. 

Because I was never included in anything. 

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I had a shit last night between 11:59pm and 12:04am — same shit, different day. 

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I got a job making toy vampires but there were only two of us on the production line. 

I had to make every second count. 

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We recently learned than granddad has a viagra addiction. 

Nobody is taking it harder than grandma.