The Diceman Does the Highlands
A Pre-Christmas Test Run at The Lovat
It started, as it always does, with a roll of the dice.
1–3, I stay put in November — plough through work, half-watch the fireworks, and pretend I’ve sorted my Christmas plans.
4–6? I head north for a test drive — see if The Lovat, Loch Ness, which lets you book out the entire hotel for Christmas, is worth dragging the family (and the dog, and the chaos) up for the real thing in December.
The dice rolled six.
So I grabbed a couple of mates, packed my jumpers, and set off for the Highlands — mission: festive reconnaissance.
Day 1: The Highland Warm-Up
You can’t arrive in the Highlands without feeling instantly underdressed. The air’s cleaner, the hills sharper, and The Lovat looks like it was designed for whisky adverts — all soft light, stone walls, and roaring fires.
It’s just over an hour from Inverness Airport, tucked near Loch Ness, with 29 bedrooms ranging from Grand Masters to Garden Rooms and Loft Rooms with loch views. You can hire the whole place for up to 58 adults, fully staffed, catered, and Christmassed to the nines.
I roll the dice on how to kick things off:
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1–3 = unpack, have tea, pretend to be civilised.
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4–6 = whisky by the fire and questionable chat.
Six. No surprises. Within an hour, we’re three whiskies deep in the Green Lounge, mince pies in hand, arguing over whether Nessie would count as a dinner guest. The fire’s roaring, and suddenly the idea of spending Christmas here doesn’t seem mad at all.
Day 2: The Food Trial
The Lovat’s run by Caroline Gregory and chef Sean Kelly, who’ve been here since 2005. Kelly’s kitchen is the kind that makes you forget every Sunday roast you’ve ever had. His Mòr and Beag tasting menus at the Station Road restaurant are proper showpieces — local produce, fine dining flair, and enough butter to make your GP sweat.
After a few courses (and a few glasses of red), the dice make their first key Christmas decision:
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1–3 = skip dessert and go for a night walk.
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4–6 = stay put and order more.
Five. We stay. There’s venison, halibut, duck fat potatoes — and by the end, we’re officially calling this “research.”
Later, we collapse in front of another fire. Someone finds a puzzle, someone else finds more whisky, and for the first time this year, I feel vaguely festive — even if it’s still November.
Day 3: The Big Feast Simulation
Kelly’s Discovery Menu — the one planned for Christmas Day — is the kind of thing that deserves a drum roll. Roast turkey with duck fat potatoes, Gigha halibut with Shetland mussels, and Highland venison with elderberries. It’s indulgent, but it’s the Highlands — that’s sort of the point.
The dice decide the post-feast move:
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Odd = nap by the fire like a civilised human.
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Even = hit the trails and pretend we’re rugged explorers.
Even. We brave the cold, stomp through frosty forest trails, and catch the mist lifting off Loch Ness. The views? Worth every frozen finger. When we get back, there’s an evening picnic hamper waiting — cheeses, meats, homemade bits. The sort of luxury that makes you think: yeah, the family could handle this.
Day 4: Wrapping It Up
Boxing Day-style breakfast, another fire, one last roll of the dice:
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1–3 = go home and forget about it.
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4–6 = book it before anyone else does.
Six. I make the call before I’ve even zipped my bag.
This Christmas, I’m not doing stress, stuffing, or supermarket prosecco. I’m doing Highland calm — with fires, feasts, and someone else on dish duty.
Reflections from Loch Ness
The Three-Day Exclusive Christmas Hire (23–26 December 2025) costs £42,000, including breakfast, lunch, and dinner for up to 58 adults across 29 rooms. Drinks are charged on consumption, but when you split it between the gang, it’s surprisingly doable for a full-scale festive takeover.
And after this November test run? I’m sold.
The dice didn’t just roll me into a hotel — they rolled me into the Christmas plan.
x-o-x The Diceman