The Diceman Does the Masai Mara: Safari Rolls & Savannah Luxury
It all started with a roll of the dice (naturally).
1–3, I book myself a bog-standard safari lodge with dodgy Wi-Fi, warm beer, and a mosquito net that looks like it’s seen better days.
4–6? I do it properly — The Ritz-Carlton Masai Mara Safari Camp, the brand’s first-ever safari experience, sitting right on the legendary Maasai Mara River.
The dice rolled a six. The adventure began.
Day 1: Arrival – Treeline Luxury
I land in Kenya, hop a short flight to the Serena Airstrip, and 45 minutes later I’m pulling into the camp. First impressions? This isn’t camping. These are treetop suites on raised platforms among acacias, each with private plunge pools and stargazing decks.
The dice decide my first move:
-
1–3 = behave, unpack, enjoy the view.
-
4–6 = cannonball into the plunge pool with a beer.
Six. Obviously. Within minutes I’m half-submerged, watching giraffes graze on the horizon. The butler — or rather, my personal Encholiek (a Maasai cultural host and intuitive guide) — doesn’t even blink. This is service with a smile.
Day 2: Safari Rolls
The Maasai Mara doesn’t mess about. Lions, elephants, buffalo, leopards, rhinos — the Big Five are all here. The dice choose my ride:
-
Odd = hot air balloon over the plains.
-
Even = private Land Cruiser safari.
Even. Cue an open-air luxury 4x4 blasting across golden savannah, wildebeest thundering in the distance, lions lounging under acacias.
Later, I roll again:
-
1–3 = early night.
-
4–6 = sundowners on the savannah.
Six. A Maasai horn blows at dusk, and suddenly I’m sipping gin as the sky turns blood orange. The Encholiek tells stories of the land. The dice deliver again.
Day 3: Culture & Chaos
This camp is more than game drives. The Discovery Hub pulls me in with photography workshops, Maasai beadwork sessions, and art everywhere — sprinting cheetah statues by Simon Bannister, portraits of Maasai women, vintage photos of rituals.
The dice offer two paths:
-
1–3 = beadwork with Maasai artisans.
-
4–6 = gin ritual at Canopy bar.
Four. I’m muddling spices into cocktails under the stars, then eating grilled meats at the Boma, with Maasai music and storytelling around the fire. By the end of the night, I’m half convinced I’m an honorary warrior.
Day 4: Spa & Stars
The Whispering Tree Spa beckons. Treatments here begin with a water blessing, using botanicals like aloe and marula.
The dice roll:
-
Odd = yoga and meditation.
-
Even = deep-tissue massage followed by champagne.
Even. My back thanks me, my head spins, and the plunge pool calls again.
That evening? Dinner on the Upeo Sky Deck, with telescopes trained on constellations and stories whispered under the African night. The dice don’t even need to roll for this one.
Reflections From the Wild
This isn’t just a camp — it’s luxury in lockstep with the land. Solar power hums in the background, waste is recycled, female rangers are trained, and 70% of the staff are from nearby communities. It’s sustainable, cultural, and utterly indulgent.
At $3,500 per person, per night, it’s not cheap. But then again, neither is perfection.
The dice brought me here, and for once, they didn’t roll me into chaos. They rolled me straight into something unforgettable.
— The Diceman