THE WORLD CUP - THEY THINK IT'S ALL OVER...IT IS FOR ME
BY CHARLIE MULLINS OBE
I've got to admit, I’m not a football fan. I don’t get it and I never will. I hate football so much that when my kids wanted to rebel against parental authority they didn’t get into booze and drugs, oh no! They knew a much better way to really piss off their old man. They became lifelong Arsenal mega-fans.
Most of the time I can live my life without having to suffer any part of a mind-numbing spectacle of 22 blokes kicking a ball all over a field, cheered on by thousands of screaming fans, all secretly wishing they could be like their ball-kicking heroes.
But it’s the new and improved FIFA World Cup in Mexico, Canada and the US so there’s ball-kicking experts talking endlessly on telly and filling newspapers with column-feet on the tactics behind good ball-kicking, and which country’s ball-kickers are the best.
A long time ago England managed to kick the ball the best, even better than the Germans, which apparently made winning all the sweeter, but this great victory is now referred to as the beginning of the ‘60 years of pain’, by old men in pubs.
It’s more like a religious cult than a sport. ‘Fans’ of all ages dress up like their heroes and throw money at them. In return the high priests of ball-kicking fake love for their disciples from the stage, while privately squandering their hard-earned wages on Cartier and Caviar lifestyles.
Football is the opium of the people! I wonder what the world’s most famous left-winger Karl Marx would have thought about the new global religion?
On one hand there are the ultra-capitalist ball-kicking shamans promising, for a price, a few hours of relief from the daily grind. And on the other, politicians promising better lives for all, if only we give them the power they crave.
I can’t help wondering if the ball-kickers are offering a more honest deal than politicians begging for votes with no clue how they are going to deliver on their promises. Then again what quality of government might we attract if prime ministers and presidents were paid half as much as the ball-kickers? Enjoy the World Cup people – you paid for it!
Is it just me or has Andy Burnham just pulled off the most audacious political crime against the British people since King John reneged on the Magna Carta two months after signing it in 1215?
Plenty of people will always be unhappy with an ‘unelected’ prime minister grabbing power from an unpopular or disgraced incumbent without a new election, but that’s how our political system works. The usurper does however usually come from a shortlist of members of parliament who, at least were sent to the House of Commons by voters, on the understanding that they try to make good on promises made during their election campaign.
What prime minister elect Andy Burnham has done has more in common with a mafia hit than a political coup d’etat. The Labour Party strongman made Makerfield MP Josh Simons an offer he couldn’t refuse, grabbed his seat in the Commons, and is now using it as a platform to slither into Number 10 through the backdoor. Either way we have 'man of the people' Burnham recruiting his acolytes and everyone is either joining his gang or sitting quietly on the sidelines letting him get away with the heist.
I heard the craziest thing this morning on a radio news broadcast. I thought maybe I’d misheard. But no, it’s true. MPs are giving the green light to a bill that will see refugees claiming asylum, given ‘loans’ to pay for their living expenses. Just like student loans the money will only be paid back once asylum is granted and the loan recipient reaches a certain salary level.
Talk about dodgy book-keeping that makes embarrassing handouts disappear from the books! Since 1990 students have racked up £266 billion in loans and, despite graduates superior earning potential, the total owed is increasing by £20 billion a year. Hands up who thinks we’ll ever see any refugee loan money again!
Finally, an AI warning. What do you get when you put Keir Starmer and a bunch of penny-pinching MOD bureaucrats in charge of revamping the UK’s military?
The answer is they get rid of the expensive and delicate humans in the armed forces and replace them with AI controlled drones and robots. What could possibly go wrong!?
I know people are worried that AI could lead to machines becoming self-aware and taking over like in the 1985 movie Terminator. But I reckon if you look at our track record with new military hardware it’s more likely our robot army will take over and promptly surrender.
I know people are worried that AI could lead to machines becoming self-aware and taking over like in the 1985 movie Terminator. But I reckon if you look at our track record with new military hardware it’s more likely our robot army will take over and promptly surrender.
Charlie Mullins is chairman of WEFIX London.